And yes, he loved his wife a lot, but he had been cheating for more than 15 years. At the same time, he also feels guilty about it. He has lived with his wife already for 10 years and been a perfect husband and father, but suddenly he meets his soulmate. This new feeling can be very powerful and consume you from head to toe. They still have a huge connection with their wife.
A lawyer who has dealt with many divorces shared her experience, saying that it is very painful to separate, but it is especially painful to stop being a full-time parent.
These things can stop many people from getting a divorce, even if they are not happy together. Maybe there is no love anymore between the spouses, but the responsibilities are still there and these chains can be very strong. It involves dealing with lawyers, fighting, splitting property, and negotiating about time management for children. Regardless, these men internalised the dynamics in those relationships as a condemnation of them and their masculinity.
Their decision to cheat comes from the desire to experience the love and affection they expect to receive from their wife, but has faded over time. After years of enduring those unmet needs, infidelity became a way for them to be doted on while not having to give up a partnership that still means the world to them. However, where their own orgasms and sexual pleasure motivated women, hearing praise for their sexual prowess made men feel worthy and manly. To them, their wives treat sex as a chore and lack all enthusiasm about it.
Their outside partners function as the person to whom they go for that praise and recognition. That is not to say, though, that the decision to cheat functioned as the first step men took when they felt unsatisfied in their marriage.
They're looking for connection. They have sociopathic or narcissistic traits. Revenge cheating. They're struggling with substance abuse. They're struggling with their mental health. They're seeking validation. They're denying part of their identity. They're emotionally immature. What really counts as cheating? Signs your partner may be cheating. You notice significant changes in the way they do things i. You feel like you're having a hard time getting the full information from them about certain things.
You bring up a particular person or instance that seems fishy, and they get very defensive, or in other cases, they're very vague and dismissive about it. They're suddenly putting more effort into their appearance, perhaps before work or before going out.
They seem super enthusiastic about another person. They're more sexually apathetic toward you or less interested and excited by you. All of a sudden, your partner seems extra nice, as if they're trying to make up for something. They're not accountable for where they're spending their time and in some cases, their money. There are big chunks of time when they don't want to talk about what they were doing.
They seem more irritated by you or judgmental of you, in an ongoing way. There's been a strong downgrading of sexual interest. And of course, physical evidence like emails or texts left open, an earring left behind, or condoms in their wallet.
What to do about infidelity in a relationship:. Decide whether you want to stay together and work through it. Gauge if the cheating partner is actually willing to commit to change. Center the feelings of the person who was cheated on.
The bottom line. While chronic cheaters pursue infidelity because of deeper-rooted attachment disorders and sex addictions, healthier men cheat out of immaturity.
Weiss recalls one man who came to him in a counseling session expressing his urge to cheat on his wife with a colleague. He advised him to treat his marriage as a contract. When he did, he saw the pain it would cause her before doing it, rather than retroactively — and guess what? He never cheated. To Weiss, only that level of maturity and consideration can keep men from cheating.
A mature person keeps their partner in mind wherever they are.
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